Do you wonder, worry, or want some relief in your role as a family caregiver?
Thousands of families provide direct or supervised care to older adults. Many of those who do this work are older adults themselves, usually spouses or adult children in their 60s or 70s. Do you love this individual, or do you feel it is your role and responsibility to care for them? Sometimes it is both, but you feel guilty for being short-tempered or frustrated with them.
The problem often lies in your inability to ask directly for help. Some individuals feel it is their duty and don’t want to burden other family members or friends; even when those individuals have asked how they can support you.
This “over-caring” can lead to serious medical or mental health issues for the caregiver. This is especially true when your nights are disturbed with care responsibilities, and you are on duty 24/7. In care facilities, the help goes home after 8 hours of duty, but your “shift” never ends – this is a hard job! Many family caregivers have such serious health consequences, they can be faced with total disability or even death because they “over-cared”.
Preventing Burnout
What does one do to prevent burnout?
- Recognize it. Your behavior will let you know you reached your limits when you yell at someone who cannot understand that they are overworking you.
- Name it. When you hear yourself, can you name the feeling? Is it anger, frustration, disappointment, a sense of being unappreciated, or one of many other feelings? Naming the feeling will assist you in coming up with a plan.
- Talk about it. You might discuss your experience with a therapist or Aging Life Care Professional, or even a close friend. They can become your mirror and reflect your feelings back to you so you can feel validated and heard.
- Recognize it. Your behavior will let you know you reached your limits when you State your needs. Become specific in the time off you need or the help you need.. Don’t say I need help. Be specific. For example, “Can you take Dad out to the park with the kids for a few hours on Saturdays to give me time to have lunch with a friend?” Or, “Can you come with me to evaluate the Day Care programs for those with dementia”?
- Research options and/or join a support group. You can gather many ideas from other caregivers in support groups, or you can call the Office on Aging in your area to ask for respite options in and near where you live. Senior Centers or Villages can be a great support as well.
The above five steps will help you prevent burnout, but you have to be willing to ask directly and share the care with others. They will not do it like you do – but that will not matter in the end. Getting your time off is the goal. Your care recipient might not like it, but you will need to say you are doing this for your health so you can be a better caregiver to them. If they have dementia, do not try to reason; instead, use the “doctor said” line. Don’t reason with dementia – just do it.
Maintaining Your Health
What about your health? You cannot properly care for someone if you do not take care of yourself.
- Eat a good diet. Follow a heart-healthy diet if your doctor approves.
- Get daily exercise.
- Continue hobbies or interests you had before caregiving.
- Have an annual physical.
- Make sure you always have something fun on your calendar for the future.
- Look for “awe” in every day. Use affirmation cards or books.
- Do some mindfulness activities – such as meditation, yoga, or another form of relaxation.
Love is doing what is needed, not always what is wanted. You need respite and renewal. Your family member needs care and supervision. You both need “awe”, joy, and love that has limits.
